The rumblings of an introvert

The rumblings of an introvert

Have you ever felt in life, that you are trying so hard to communicate something and it all comes out wrong? Totally wrong! At the end of it, you even feel, why did I even start this. Oh yeah, I am sure there will be at least someone in this world who will agree with me. Yeah, being an introvert is always a bane. They say every coin has two sides. But believe me there is no other side of being an introvert. You are just stuck with its bad qualities and all your life you have to struggle with it.

The funny part is the more and more you try you become more conscious and then you really look like an utter fool. We have watched in movies right. In fact when I think about it don’t you think almost all movies are about losers in life? I mean come on where is the fun in watching someone who is really smart and successful and has absolutely no problems in life. Where is the story line if the hero / heroine doesn’t have something lacking which he / she struggles to overcome and lo behold at the end of two hours they magically are transformed and they somehow can figure out the mantra of life and everything is so beautiful and nice.

Unfortunately, that is a movie. Life is different. I wonder in life if there is a happy ending always like in movies. In movies, the emotional and shy guy is so hopelessly in love with the girl and every time he tries telling her he gets it all wrong. However, in the end everything falls into place and the introvert is no longer an introvert. I wish that happens in real life too. In real life however, things are not that rosy. It feels more like a vicious cycle. Since you are an introvert you have naturally few people around you and naturally you treasure every nice person you meet and then unknowingly you even end up looking really desperate. Naturally, you keep all your feelings bottled inside, it will come with all force out that it will freak the other person out making the person run for his / her life. The introvert is left to wonder what did I do wrong. Darling, the only thing you did wrong is you showed too much affection too soon. Anyways, again because of this experience, the introvert tries harder next time and the cycle goes on and on leaving the introvert a confused, under confident, restless soul. Now only God can save this person.

I have a dream..

I have a dream
To serve the ruffled minds
The tender minds that are tomorrow’s future
Ignorant and unnoticed victims
Victims of neglect
With hearts so tender and beautiful
With eyes asking a thousand questions
And lips tightly shut, lest will uproot this world

I have a dream
To atleast touch their souls
Be the person to tell them that they are fine
For no matter how much unruffled they look to the world
There is a mind ticking inside like a time bomb – ready to explode

I have a dream
To protect these tender souls
To prepare them to face this weird world
For although they look quite strong, there is a hole inside their hearts
That craves for affection
And I want to make sure that they don’t get lost
In their forever quest of looking for that bit of affection from the stale hearts in this world

I have a dream to make this dream come true
And no matter what someday I will make it happen
Coz surely there are numerous thirsty souls
Looking for exactly what I crave so much to give..

A story

Once upon a time, long long ago, God when looked down on earth saw that humans were sadly unhappy. He decided to give a solution to this problem. He made a beautiful pitcher and filled it with water. This water was not any ordinary water but with divine value. It had healing power to save the unhappy souls. It had the medicinal power unchallenged by any other medication in the world and with a taste and feel so soothing that it relaxed even the most tired soul.

God placed this pitcher on earth and felt happy that He has finally solved the problem of the mankind. The pitcher stayed there on earth. Many humans passed by it looked at it with curiosity. Some got astonished with its beauty some even thought of drinking the water in it. Some were really thirsty but just stood there, curious. Nobody wanted to take a risk and drink the water which was so divine. It was so mysteriously beautiful that humans were scared to even touch it.

So the pitcher stayed there for days, months untouched. As days passed by, all kind of vegetation grew all over the pitcher. Leaves from the trees fell inside the water. Mosquitoes infested in the stagnant water. Slowly, the water started to stink much to the dismay of the people who passed by. Dangerous creatures started to breed and the once beautiful pitcher turned into an ugly dump. Suddenly people became aware of the presence of the pitcher and they all decided to throw it out. So very soon, the pitcher once filled with pious water was thrown away in the community waste dump.

Moral of the story: Figure that out by yourself. :)

Even the most beautiful feeling LOVE can turn into poison if it is not given a proper vent and is forcefully stored inside.

Infidelity

Infidelity

Writing about this topic itself is quite controversial. Seriously, what is the big deal about this word?

In the technical world, fidelity purely means output by input. So if your output performance is not as much as what input one is giving in then the fidelity of the process is low. However, in our world we have totally changed the definition of fidelity / infidelity and have made it to our convenience.

A human being in a relation is called infidel only when he / she has relations with another human being, which has more importance than the present one. We make a big deal about this particular phenomenon. There is a whole set of bolywood and even holywood movies and songs dedicated to infidelity. In fact generally women are targeted more in these songs or movies.

When I see such a hue and cry about this whole thing, it really makes me wonder how do we really understand what is infidelity? Why do we confine infidelity to only human beings? Like for example, I have seen men giving so much importance to things that are of trivial importance and women too giving undue importance to vanity even at the cost of their relations with their loved ones. Isn’t that called infidelity?

Isn’t it infidelity when your sweetheart cries her eyes out and urges you to spend some time with her when all you are thinking in your mind is when is she going to be in good mood so that you can go and enjoy your favorite sport? Isn’t it infidelity when a man desperately wants to be with his wife when all she thinks about how much more stuff she needs to buy for that grand party she is going to go next week? Why is it that it becomes of paramount importance only when it involves another human being?

I really don’t understand when and where do we draw a line.

My favorite song

My favorite song: Movie (Phir Teri Kahani Yaad Aayi)

Tere dar par sanam chale aaye
Tu na aaya to hum chale aaye

Bin tere koi aas bhi na rahi
Itne tarse ke pyaas bhi na rahi
Ladkhadaaye kadam, chale aaye

Tere dar par sanam chale aaye
Tu na aaya to hum chale aaye

Is se pehle ke hum pe hasti raat
Banke naagin jo humko dasti raat
Leke apna bharam chale aaye

Tere dar par sanam chale aaye
Tu na aaya to hum chale aaye

The reasons why I want a pet dog

The reasons why I want a pet dog:

You can love them as much as you want, people will just think that you are so damn crazy about your pet. In fact, they might even think you are a great person.

Even if you love them too much they are never suspicious of you. They don’t wonder as to why you love them so much and they don’t try to find any crooked reason behind it.

They don’t get psyched with you if you want to be with them all the time. In fact in dog world the more the better unlike humans who need personal space and all that crap.

They are reliable. They are always there for you no matter what. You don’t need to check with their schedules and find out if they have any other appointments with other dogs.

You can cry to them, you can talk to them, they won’t judge you, unlike humans. In fact when they see you are sad they are sad too and they don’t give any crappy advices again unlike humans (may be coz they cannot speak).

They are so happy to just see you. You don’t need to make any special efforts to gain their friendship all they want is to spend time with you.

Dogs are much more intelligent and sensitive to others’ emotions compared to humans. They sense very quickly if you are sad or happy and change their moods accordingly.

They don’t care how smart you are or how much money you make. They just love you for the love that you give them.

And many more, right now running out of reasons but I wish I had a pet dog!!!

Some questions unanswered!

Why is that we can never express ourselves clearly?
Why is it that we have to hide all the emotions under a cloak and pretend that nothing is there?
Why have we humans come to a world where there is no value for feelings if they have no consequence?
Why is it that every feeling should have some significance attached to it?
Why can’t we have feelings which may not give us any benefits?
Have we become so materialistic?
Are we supposed to have only those relations that benefit us?
Are we not supposed to have any relations which have no consequence whatsoever?
Why have we humans made relations so complicated?
Why do we define boundaries to them?
Why do we bind them into some specific limits like sister brother, husband wife; for that matter a relation between a husband and wife can be as multi-faceted as possible, but why is it that all other relations are so narrow?
Why is it that men and women can have relations confined to only these few names?
Why cant people co-exist just because they feel good with each other; in this world when there is so much less time to even venture out and meet people there is a very less chance of meeting people who have at least somewhere similar thoughts, so why is it that when we see such people, we still keep away from them. They should be treasured. These are like once in a life time opportunity…never let them go…hold on to them…but unfortunately we cannot..this world so full of filth, emotions so pure can be mistaken…

A futile attempt: Writing a poem

Those eyes..those beautiful eyes look at me..
When they gaze at me, I get mesmerized..
I wonder, if they read what I am thinking..
I wonder, if they read what goes through my mind..
I wonder, if they see how much I miss them..
I wonder, if this is just a mere fantasy..

The pseudo-stronger weaker sex…

My constant association with guys, since I am in a profession, which is at least till now dominated by men, prompted me to write this article. Really, we talk about women emancipation and all that crap but where are we really? Please do not shrug away from this article thinking it is another feminist blog. I just want to speak out what I have been thinking about for the past couple of months or years, for that matter.

Who are we? We are a breed of species that neither belong to the stronger sex called “MEN” or the real feminine or the so called weaker (I despise the word, alas!!) sex called “WOMEN”. We are a totally new evolved species called the Professional women. Now god only knows what kind of species are these.

Well, in my undergrad class of 84 students, we were only 7 girls and you might think that with that kind of minority there must be a pretty good demand for us. No, you are wrong! Apparently, according to my “male” classmates, there were only two types of humans in our class. One was the male species (of course!!) and the others were the “non-males” and no females at all. So that was rude, but it didn’t really matter at that time, since we all were in the same boat that sometimes used to tend to sink academically, and all we cared, at that time, was to keep the boat floating.

Anyways, during all this weird growing up period, I don’t know what we were thinking? Ok, henceforth I will stick to myself. I don’t know what was I thinking? I used to loathe girls who were girly (funny haa). I used to hate guys who were MCPs (ok I don’t need to expand this). I don’t know what sex I belonged to, but as I said I didn’t care.

But now slowly things are changing. As if all the female hormones that I didn’t use up during my teenage (or ache) years were all stored up and for that matter probably increased in intensity and just sweep me away in some giant waves. It just makes me wonder, what is really wrong with me? All these years, I used to talk like guys (or atleast try to talk topics that guys like). I always refrained from talking or showing anywhere that I am weak. I still remember the times when I would have got hurt while playing, and the pride in me was so much that I used to bite my tongue not to cry like a girl. All these stunts I used to do just not to look fish out of the pond. Since, all I wanted was friends ..

Now, things seem different. Now even if I try to be less girly, I just cannot help. I just loathe men who talk only about stuffs that they like. And even though my practical / professional mind says that I should participate in these discussions, my mind simply refuses to. Unfortunately, when you live in a world so crowded with men you have to deal with them always. During all this it really makes me wonder, why are we like this? This, so called, breed of professional women. We are in a worst of its kind identity crisis. So confused as to what we want. We couldn’t develop the softness, patience or whatever good qualities that women have nor be as strong as the way men do. We are just caught in between, for that matter getting the bad qualities of both. The aggressive nature, ego that comes naturally being in this part of the professional world with all the emotional swings that women have, feeling so angry and aggressive at times and at the same time feeling weak and vulnerable like a hurt child.

Anyway, in spite of all this, I think given a chance, I would have still liked to be a professional woman, since with it comes a feeling of wholeness, however rare it is. I don’t think I would have changed my life anyway if I would have been given a chance and I am sure that if I have a daughter, I would still bring her up as a PROffesional woman.

To all the lonely souls…

The grass is greener on the other side..how correct is this sentence!!! In fact I would say that when the grass on this side is duller the other side grass really seems greener…

But why am I saying all this..i wanted to write something about loneliness…in this world full of gadgets and all kinds of networking avenues are we all still lonely…with so many options available all your friends seem to be just a click away..but why is it that some of us still feel lonely…

I have to be technically correct here..i cannot generalize, I don’t think everyone feels lonely..it is only a few unfortunate souls who really feel lonely…it is like a disease which when you realize that you have acquired, you feel it even more…there are some fortunate souls in this world who have never even heard of this word called “LONELY”..

Anyway it is this feeling that prompted me to write this trivia..loneliness has its own benefits even though it seems as if it is more like a bad feeling..it gives a person to think..think about all the unnecessary things that one need not think about or atleast that is what our epics advise us not to dwell upon..

Now does that too sound like a bad thing..ok let me think about something nice…it is a nice feeling to be lonely sometimes..you feel one with yourself..you suddenly become aware of a new person, a new friend “YOU”..and this friend, my friend, if you befriend will never betray you…you will never ever feel lonely again..coz this friend always has all the time in the world for you..this friend will never get bored with your ruminations however trivial they are..so my friend let us befriend our true self.. for that matter what do we really know about our other friends..we see people, we meet them we talk to them but do we really know them..it even makes me wonder, our feeling that we like someone is by itself an illusion..like the way I said the grass is greener on the other side..probably we are just idealizing the other person..but we cannot idealize ourselves for sure..so lets befriend our souls first…